Another thing I don't understand about women is why they have to tell me everything they do in their life. Here I'm sitting at the computer working on a project, trying to get the ideas from my brain to the screen before I forget them, and she sayd, "Can I tell you what happened to me today?"
The truth is, I want to hear what she has to say. Yet I don't want to hear it right now. Yet, If I say, "NO! You can tell me later," I'm being a jerk. It happens every time. She has no understanding of the fact I have to get these ideas out of my head before I forget them. And if I stop to pay attention to her story, I'll forget.
Yet, I'm forced to listen. If I dont', I'm ignoring the "Yes Maam protocol." So I listen to your story. Key work her is listen. I say, "Uh huh," "Yes," and "Oh, that's cool." All the while she is talking I'm looking at her, yet I really don't hear her. I don't hear her because I'm trying not to forget my ideas, and in my head I'm saying, "Does this story ever end." I'm sure if you're a guy you've been in a similar situation.
Honestly, it's not that I don't want to hear her story. It's just this is not a good time. Yet, as you all know, if you don't listen now you are a jerk. You are the guy, you have to adjust, you have to change, and this is one of the changes you have to make to make your marriage work. You might have a woman who catches on to this, yet most women I've ever known are not proactive in this way. On Venus, if a woman wants to talk, the other women stop to listen.
So, she finally finished, and I get back to my work. Sometimes I might quit and respect her all the more, yet sometimes I HAVE to get the ideas out. It's my work. It's where our money comes from.
So, now hears the kicker. A week later she says, "Remember when I said..."
You say, "No!"
"Well, you were sitting at the computer when I told you the story about..."
"I don't remember."
"You never listen to me."
"Well, I'm sorry, I can't remember everything."
"Well, you were saying uh hu and all that stuff like you were listening."
"Look, I can't remember everything."
So, I provide her the one rule I have, "Honey, if you want to make sure I'm listening, if you want me to really hear you, you have to talk to me when you know you have my undevided attention. I'm a guy, I can only do one thing at a time, and if I'm on the computer, there's no way possible I can actually hear you. So, my one rule is this: Make sure you have my undivided attantion before you tell me something I need to remember."
"What do you mean?"
Now, I would like to say something like, "If you have something important you want me to remebmer, make sure I'm paying attention."
Which is funny, because sometimes she does tell me things that are important during these moments, and I don't remember. I'm talking about things like, "Jeff, pick up the kids at 3:00. Don't forget."
In these cases, I have to make sure I follow another one of my rules: "Repeat what she says, and you'll rember to do it. And set the alarm if you need a reminder."
Yes. We guys can only comprehend one thing at a time. Women can comprehend 3 things at a time. I can talk to her when she's on the computer, and she'll remember everything I say. So, you can only respect that she doesn't understand why we guys can't do the same thing.
I don't know why this is. It must have something to do with the way our brains are made up.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Change
I don't mean any disrespect to women at all. That's not the point by my writings. I respect women. In fact, one of the reasons I created the "yes maam protocol" is because of the fact I respect them. I love my kids. I have made many sacrifices for my wife and family. I mean, I could be simgle right now with my pockets jingling. I could be single living in a world with no one criticizing the way I walk out of the bathroom. I could be single living with no kids, and no reason to get up at 6:00 in the morning, and to drag to soccer games at 8:00 in the morning on my only day off of the week.I could be living by myself in a clean house with a keg of beer in the fridge, instead of kids who disrespect me, never clean their rooms, mess up my rooms, tell me they hate me when I ask them to do something simple like, "Get dressed."
Actually, I love all that stuff. I mean, all the stress that comes with marriage, with having kids. I love it. I also love the power that comes with having kids. The knowing that I have children who will share the same values as me. Children to play catch with and to keep me young. All that stuff I love. I love the fact I have gray hairs dropping down from my nares because of all the stress of having a family and a job to basically make money that goes directly to my wife leaving me with barely enough money to buy a 12 pack of beer. And I think my wife is very reasonable most of the time. I think she is the most beautiful, most honest, intelligent woman I could have possibly ever met. She's good looking as a bonus, although that was never a goal of mine to have the most beautiful woman. I will honestly say that my wife is my soul mate. We were meant for each other.
Yet that's not to say she doesn't still live on the planet Venus, compared to me living on the planet Mars. Did you ever read that book, "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus." That was a pretty accurate protrayal of the differences between man and women. The only problem with that book is that when I read it I felt I changed ever so slightly so I could relate to my wife all the more. I changed. Isn't that something that we guys are born to do. We are born to make the changes necessary to make our marriages work. We make the changes necessary for the world to continue functioning in relative peace. For if we guys don't make changes, there will be no peace.
What I mean by this is that it would be easy for me to nag women about all the things we hate that they do. I mean, I hate it when she spends 25 hours in the bathroom every morning. I hate it when she wears that ugly brown dress to outings. Yet I don't say anything. I adjust. I say nothing because if I say I hate that fucking dress she gets all pissy with me. I hate it when she asks me what I think of her dress all the while expecting me to say, "I love it dear," instead of telling her the fucking truth.
So, I changed. I learned to keep my mouth shut. I learned to always "Love" whatever she wears, even though sometimes she says, "I hope you're telling me the truth.". Now, she complains about me when my hair is messy, when my pants are too baggy or dirty, and she complains when I don't shave. Yet, if I complained about anything on her possession, I am a dirty, useless scum. Seriously, she even called me that the other day when I broke one of her "rules." So, we guys change to keep the peace in our marriages and the world. We adjust. We form protocols like the "yes maam protocol" to keep the peace. That's what we do. Women don't change. They continue to critique or do whatever they do. We men change. And, to be honest, it's fine with me. That's just the role of being a man. We are the peace keepers.
Now don't get me started on rules. That's something I'll have to get into in my next post. I would say I have one rule to every 100 of hers. That's why I think women get so uptite all the time, is because on Venus there are a lot of rules. And if a rule gets broken all hell breaks lose. That's why women get all upset even when something minor happens, like I drop a kernel of popcorn on the livingroom carpet.
"Why do you eat popcorn in the livingroom? You know we have a rule about no eating popcorn in the livingroom!"
Now, according to the "Yes maam protocol" my role here is to say, "Yes maam!" Right? Remember that. It's my job to keep the peace. I'm sure it's not this way in all marriages, but that's how it is in my household anyway. So, say I decide I WANT to continue eating popcorn in the livingroom. So, I decide to brave it, and say, "Honey, I enjoy eating popcorn while I'm watching movies."
"Well, every time you do that you make a mess. I'm tired of you making a mess bla bla bla bla bla... (5 minutes later).... and that's why I don't want you eating popcorn in the livingroom."
"Honey, I don't have such a rule. It's your rule. I didn't make a popcorn rule. Where did this popcorn rule come from anyway?"
That, my friends, was a big mistake. The noble thing for me to have done there was to not say anything right from the get go, to get my popcorn out of the livingroom, and to sit next to her, rub her feet which I sometimes do, and snuggle with her and make her happy. But for some reason this day I wasn't in the mood for that. However, note, I was not in a bad mood. I was in a good mood and still am, yet, at this point, she says, "WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A BAD MOOD TONIGHT!"
Right on cue. So it's up to we guys to be proactive, to avoid such conversatins, because we all know if there is any discussion about one of her rules, IT'S YOUR FAULT. Thus, women have rules, men change to accomodate. And if there is a man out there who is not good at changing, it's those guys - I think -- who are the most likely to get divorced or have unhappy marriages. That, my friends, is why it's important to understand that one of the major roles of manhood is the ability to know when to keep your mouth shut, and implement the, "Yes Maam protocol."
Actually, I love all that stuff. I mean, all the stress that comes with marriage, with having kids. I love it. I also love the power that comes with having kids. The knowing that I have children who will share the same values as me. Children to play catch with and to keep me young. All that stuff I love. I love the fact I have gray hairs dropping down from my nares because of all the stress of having a family and a job to basically make money that goes directly to my wife leaving me with barely enough money to buy a 12 pack of beer. And I think my wife is very reasonable most of the time. I think she is the most beautiful, most honest, intelligent woman I could have possibly ever met. She's good looking as a bonus, although that was never a goal of mine to have the most beautiful woman. I will honestly say that my wife is my soul mate. We were meant for each other.
Yet that's not to say she doesn't still live on the planet Venus, compared to me living on the planet Mars. Did you ever read that book, "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus." That was a pretty accurate protrayal of the differences between man and women. The only problem with that book is that when I read it I felt I changed ever so slightly so I could relate to my wife all the more. I changed. Isn't that something that we guys are born to do. We are born to make the changes necessary to make our marriages work. We make the changes necessary for the world to continue functioning in relative peace. For if we guys don't make changes, there will be no peace.
What I mean by this is that it would be easy for me to nag women about all the things we hate that they do. I mean, I hate it when she spends 25 hours in the bathroom every morning. I hate it when she wears that ugly brown dress to outings. Yet I don't say anything. I adjust. I say nothing because if I say I hate that fucking dress she gets all pissy with me. I hate it when she asks me what I think of her dress all the while expecting me to say, "I love it dear," instead of telling her the fucking truth.
So, I changed. I learned to keep my mouth shut. I learned to always "Love" whatever she wears, even though sometimes she says, "I hope you're telling me the truth.". Now, she complains about me when my hair is messy, when my pants are too baggy or dirty, and she complains when I don't shave. Yet, if I complained about anything on her possession, I am a dirty, useless scum. Seriously, she even called me that the other day when I broke one of her "rules." So, we guys change to keep the peace in our marriages and the world. We adjust. We form protocols like the "yes maam protocol" to keep the peace. That's what we do. Women don't change. They continue to critique or do whatever they do. We men change. And, to be honest, it's fine with me. That's just the role of being a man. We are the peace keepers.
Now don't get me started on rules. That's something I'll have to get into in my next post. I would say I have one rule to every 100 of hers. That's why I think women get so uptite all the time, is because on Venus there are a lot of rules. And if a rule gets broken all hell breaks lose. That's why women get all upset even when something minor happens, like I drop a kernel of popcorn on the livingroom carpet.
"Why do you eat popcorn in the livingroom? You know we have a rule about no eating popcorn in the livingroom!"
Now, according to the "Yes maam protocol" my role here is to say, "Yes maam!" Right? Remember that. It's my job to keep the peace. I'm sure it's not this way in all marriages, but that's how it is in my household anyway. So, say I decide I WANT to continue eating popcorn in the livingroom. So, I decide to brave it, and say, "Honey, I enjoy eating popcorn while I'm watching movies."
"Well, every time you do that you make a mess. I'm tired of you making a mess bla bla bla bla bla... (5 minutes later).... and that's why I don't want you eating popcorn in the livingroom."
"Honey, I don't have such a rule. It's your rule. I didn't make a popcorn rule. Where did this popcorn rule come from anyway?"
That, my friends, was a big mistake. The noble thing for me to have done there was to not say anything right from the get go, to get my popcorn out of the livingroom, and to sit next to her, rub her feet which I sometimes do, and snuggle with her and make her happy. But for some reason this day I wasn't in the mood for that. However, note, I was not in a bad mood. I was in a good mood and still am, yet, at this point, she says, "WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A BAD MOOD TONIGHT!"
Right on cue. So it's up to we guys to be proactive, to avoid such conversatins, because we all know if there is any discussion about one of her rules, IT'S YOUR FAULT. Thus, women have rules, men change to accomodate. And if there is a man out there who is not good at changing, it's those guys - I think -- who are the most likely to get divorced or have unhappy marriages. That, my friends, is why it's important to understand that one of the major roles of manhood is the ability to know when to keep your mouth shut, and implement the, "Yes Maam protocol."
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Here's my first comment. I decided it was so awesome I had to make it into a post of it's own:
"Oh my God. I got what I asked for and I loved it loved it loved it.. You speak elequantly and with honesty and merit. I respect and worship your utter beautiful writing. I am literally astonished as I sit here.. Thank you so much for giving me something delicious to read. My eyes needed to see such logic and wisdom from somewhere other than my ,inside my head uterings, thoughts I say to myself after seeing and hearing the no value nonsense woman emmit as a normal behavior."
You better stop this lest I develop an ego.
"Oh my God. I got what I asked for and I loved it loved it loved it.. You speak elequantly and with honesty and merit. I respect and worship your utter beautiful writing. I am literally astonished as I sit here.. Thank you so much for giving me something delicious to read. My eyes needed to see such logic and wisdom from somewhere other than my ,inside my head uterings, thoughts I say to myself after seeing and hearing the no value nonsense woman emmit as a normal behavior."
You better stop this lest I develop an ego.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Never started a fight
Another neat thing I have to report is I have never personally started a fight between myself and my wife. I like to keep the peace, to avoid controversy. If anything, I tend to follow the "yes maam protocol" and do whatever she says, keep my mouth shut, and, thus, avoid controversy.
I rarely, if ever, walk into the house and start complaining to my wife about all the things that she does that annoy me. I just dont' do it. What I will do is clean it up. She might not like it. She might come to me and complain that she can't find something I cleaned up. But, then, that's her coming to me, not the other way around.
Perhaps I'm seeing this wrong, and correct me if I am, but if I avoid controversy, then it's not me who is starting a fight. I never walk up to her and say, "God, I hate it when you do that." I just don't do it. Actually, I'm happy if she's happy. If she likes a mess there, that's fine by me. Seriously, I'm that easy going.
Yet, as soon as I butter the toast wrong, or as soon as I don't wipe snot off my face, or leave a crumb on the kitchen table, or don't put the icecream away fast enough, she is in my face telling me to do this or that. She is a lot more verbally critical than I ever am. And, for the most part, I like it. Sometimes she's a little too impatient for me, but that's fine. I'm equanimitous, and I need someone to keep me in line. I probably benefit her as she benefits me.
Yet, from time to time, she enters the home and starts going all haywire because I didn't do something the way she wanted. And, if I decide to avoid the "Yes maam protocol" and defend myself, then I'm an ass. Yeah. See what I mean. I can't win.
I'll give you a perfect example. She was upset recently because I let my kids eat in the livingroom. I see no problem with my kids eating popcorn in the livingroom. I did it when I was a kid, and personally I think it's neat to sit and watch a movie with my kids while eating popcorn. It's fun. It's a family moment.
My wife has a rule that we don't eat in the living room. Period. Yet, it's her rule. I let the kids eat in the livingroom, and I don't mind vacuuming or doing whatever is needed to clean up. I might not clean up right away, but I will the next day (which is often not fast enough.) But you get my point. It's all in good fun.
So, I let my kids eat popcorn in the living room. She got upset and made the kids go to the kitchen. I told her she was being a bit agressive with the kids. "But your not following the rules," she said. "What rules!" I said.
"The rule where we don't eat in the livingroom."
So I sigh and leave the room because I don't want to fight. I hate fighting. Yet it's too late. She follows me to the room and says, "Why do you always fight with me!"
"I'm not fighting with you. I'm just trying to reason with you. That's not fighting. I'm in a good mood, or was. I..." you see, I'm at a loss for words.
Then she pulls the, "You are an ass! You are such an ass!"
See. I'm the ass. I started the fight. Yet, as you can see, I didn't.
So, you can see that it's easier if you simply follow the "yes maam protocol" and avoid all conflilct. Because even a tiny spark can be twisted into, "It's all your fault."
Which brings me to another point. It'a always my fault. I'm the ass. We'll delve into this topic in my next post. I also want to discuss rules.
For now, though, everytime there's a fight it's always my fault -- it'a always your fault. Yet, we know, it's not really your fault unless you are the one who is the agressive one. It's not me. I'm just trying to be nice.
I rarely, if ever, walk into the house and start complaining to my wife about all the things that she does that annoy me. I just dont' do it. What I will do is clean it up. She might not like it. She might come to me and complain that she can't find something I cleaned up. But, then, that's her coming to me, not the other way around.
Perhaps I'm seeing this wrong, and correct me if I am, but if I avoid controversy, then it's not me who is starting a fight. I never walk up to her and say, "God, I hate it when you do that." I just don't do it. Actually, I'm happy if she's happy. If she likes a mess there, that's fine by me. Seriously, I'm that easy going.
Yet, as soon as I butter the toast wrong, or as soon as I don't wipe snot off my face, or leave a crumb on the kitchen table, or don't put the icecream away fast enough, she is in my face telling me to do this or that. She is a lot more verbally critical than I ever am. And, for the most part, I like it. Sometimes she's a little too impatient for me, but that's fine. I'm equanimitous, and I need someone to keep me in line. I probably benefit her as she benefits me.
Yet, from time to time, she enters the home and starts going all haywire because I didn't do something the way she wanted. And, if I decide to avoid the "Yes maam protocol" and defend myself, then I'm an ass. Yeah. See what I mean. I can't win.
I'll give you a perfect example. She was upset recently because I let my kids eat in the livingroom. I see no problem with my kids eating popcorn in the livingroom. I did it when I was a kid, and personally I think it's neat to sit and watch a movie with my kids while eating popcorn. It's fun. It's a family moment.
My wife has a rule that we don't eat in the living room. Period. Yet, it's her rule. I let the kids eat in the livingroom, and I don't mind vacuuming or doing whatever is needed to clean up. I might not clean up right away, but I will the next day (which is often not fast enough.) But you get my point. It's all in good fun.
So, I let my kids eat popcorn in the living room. She got upset and made the kids go to the kitchen. I told her she was being a bit agressive with the kids. "But your not following the rules," she said. "What rules!" I said.
"The rule where we don't eat in the livingroom."
So I sigh and leave the room because I don't want to fight. I hate fighting. Yet it's too late. She follows me to the room and says, "Why do you always fight with me!"
"I'm not fighting with you. I'm just trying to reason with you. That's not fighting. I'm in a good mood, or was. I..." you see, I'm at a loss for words.
Then she pulls the, "You are an ass! You are such an ass!"
See. I'm the ass. I started the fight. Yet, as you can see, I didn't.
So, you can see that it's easier if you simply follow the "yes maam protocol" and avoid all conflilct. Because even a tiny spark can be twisted into, "It's all your fault."
Which brings me to another point. It'a always my fault. I'm the ass. We'll delve into this topic in my next post. I also want to discuss rules.
For now, though, everytime there's a fight it's always my fault -- it'a always your fault. Yet, we know, it's not really your fault unless you are the one who is the agressive one. It's not me. I'm just trying to be nice.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentines Day
I would never say this to my woman, but I will say it here because we all can handle a little truth: Valantines day is so stupid. Whew! I feel better getting that off my chest.
Buy a dumb flower that dies for no purpose other than to not get her mad at you if you don't. You'd think she'd rather have the money in the bank for something more important than getting flowers to watch them die 'cause of a date on the calender. Just can't understand woman.
Yet some women are not just content with flowers. My wife -- I love her -- keeps reminding me that Valentines is coming up, and then when it comes, she'll be upset if I don't give her something, and annoyed if I give her something. She'll be upset that I spent so much money. Or she'll be upset by my choice of flowers.
Or, worse of all, she won't say one word. She'll give me the silent treatment.
Silent treatment: A man's analysis of a silent wife is: she's annoyed. So, when she gives me the silent treatment, I don't know if she's upset, or if she hates what I gave her, or if she's so happy she's speechless. Honestly, I don't know.
Yet, so long as she doesn't bring it up, I don't. I don't because I feel what I gave her wasn't a good gift at all. That's how I am. I have no idea what kind of flowers to give her. I give her yellow -- what the hell are they called -- or red -- what the hell are they called. Or, most often, I just pick the flowers the lady at the flower shop says my wife would like.
I personally don't think flowers are useless. I think if you buy a flower that can be planted in a garden than you have a good flower. You can spend 30 bucks and have something to show for it. Yet, the last time I gave her a garden flower -- pretty mini roses -- she gave me the silent treatment. So, after I did this three times and got the silent treatment all three times, I took it as she didn't like this.
So the next time I skipped the flowers altogether, and I'm insensitive. So, what is a guy to do? The moral here is that Valentines is a stupid holiday. If she wants flowers, she knows exactly what she wants, and she can get it her self. But she never does. So, how am I supposed to know what she likes. And even if she told me, I won't remember because I don't know anything about flowers. I don't need to know anything about flowers. I'm more concerned about saving that space in my memory for political theory or something like that. I'm not a flower guy.
I like flowers. They smell nice, but I'm just not a flower guy. So, does that make me insensitive. I don't think so.
So, why do we have Valentine's day anyway? It's to show her that I love her. So, how about if I do that on a regular basis. I go to work, I work hard, I bring home money, I spend quality time with the kids, I let her go to the store, I tell her every day I love her cooking, I sit next to her at night on some occasions and rub her feet just, I compliment her, I listen to her stories about her aunt Mable, and I love her. I love her unconditionally. Why do I have to prove it to her on some stupid holiday.
Oh, I know. It's because Congress decided to make it a holiday not because it's a useful holiday, but because what do you do on Valentines? That's right! You buy flowers! You buy dinner for your wife! You spend money! Yep! While women think Valentine's is all about them, every day is all about them. Valentine's is the market's way of tricking women and men into spending more money.
Go figure that one out.
It's a dumb holiday. All it does is make life more complicated for men.
Buy a dumb flower that dies for no purpose other than to not get her mad at you if you don't. You'd think she'd rather have the money in the bank for something more important than getting flowers to watch them die 'cause of a date on the calender. Just can't understand woman.
Yet some women are not just content with flowers. My wife -- I love her -- keeps reminding me that Valentines is coming up, and then when it comes, she'll be upset if I don't give her something, and annoyed if I give her something. She'll be upset that I spent so much money. Or she'll be upset by my choice of flowers.
Or, worse of all, she won't say one word. She'll give me the silent treatment.
Silent treatment: A man's analysis of a silent wife is: she's annoyed. So, when she gives me the silent treatment, I don't know if she's upset, or if she hates what I gave her, or if she's so happy she's speechless. Honestly, I don't know.
Yet, so long as she doesn't bring it up, I don't. I don't because I feel what I gave her wasn't a good gift at all. That's how I am. I have no idea what kind of flowers to give her. I give her yellow -- what the hell are they called -- or red -- what the hell are they called. Or, most often, I just pick the flowers the lady at the flower shop says my wife would like.
I personally don't think flowers are useless. I think if you buy a flower that can be planted in a garden than you have a good flower. You can spend 30 bucks and have something to show for it. Yet, the last time I gave her a garden flower -- pretty mini roses -- she gave me the silent treatment. So, after I did this three times and got the silent treatment all three times, I took it as she didn't like this.
So the next time I skipped the flowers altogether, and I'm insensitive. So, what is a guy to do? The moral here is that Valentines is a stupid holiday. If she wants flowers, she knows exactly what she wants, and she can get it her self. But she never does. So, how am I supposed to know what she likes. And even if she told me, I won't remember because I don't know anything about flowers. I don't need to know anything about flowers. I'm more concerned about saving that space in my memory for political theory or something like that. I'm not a flower guy.
I like flowers. They smell nice, but I'm just not a flower guy. So, does that make me insensitive. I don't think so.
So, why do we have Valentine's day anyway? It's to show her that I love her. So, how about if I do that on a regular basis. I go to work, I work hard, I bring home money, I spend quality time with the kids, I let her go to the store, I tell her every day I love her cooking, I sit next to her at night on some occasions and rub her feet just, I compliment her, I listen to her stories about her aunt Mable, and I love her. I love her unconditionally. Why do I have to prove it to her on some stupid holiday.
Oh, I know. It's because Congress decided to make it a holiday not because it's a useful holiday, but because what do you do on Valentines? That's right! You buy flowers! You buy dinner for your wife! You spend money! Yep! While women think Valentine's is all about them, every day is all about them. Valentine's is the market's way of tricking women and men into spending more money.
Go figure that one out.
It's a dumb holiday. All it does is make life more complicated for men.
Friday, February 12, 2010
TV sit coms and dramas
I don't watch TV that much. Yet, if you met my wife, she'd tell you I watch certain sit coms like "Two and a half men," and "Law and Order." The truth is, that I only watch those shows when she is home.
Actually, I think those shows are the better shows on TV, and if I'm going to have to watch TV I'd rather watch shows like these, yet the truth is, and I'll reveal the truth to you, is that I don't watch TV when my wife is not home.
The truth is, the only reason I watch those shows is because I want to spend time with my wife. I want to have family time. And, if we are going to end the day watching TV, these are the shows we watch.
Truth be told, if I had my way, I'd watch the news or sports channel all day. I think guys watch sports because when our team wins that's the only time we guys win. Yet that's a discussion for another post. I like to watch the news because I love politics. Yet, I don't mind being the only one in my house into politics. I don't think my wife and kids should have to worry about that stuff. There's this old saying, "What you don't know won't stress you out." So, I'm fine with my wife not being into politics.
Yet I digress. What about sitcoms and dramas.
I think sitcoms and dramas are written for women. In fact, the polls -- or whatever you call them -- show that women watch this stuff more than women. And for that reason, most sit coms and dramas are catered to women. And, here's the key, med in sitcoms act as women want them to act. They don't act like they would in real life.
Sorry, I don't think we're supposed to know that, but it's true, and that's why I made those words small. If you can't read writing that small, then perhaps that's good. You might not want to know the truth. You might be better off.
It's true though. Even Tim Allen's "Tool-time" was catered to women. I mean Tim Allen was a man's man. He was rough. He was like you and I and that he wants to figure things out on his own, and he's willing to struggle through it, even if he fails. Yet, when it comes to talking to his wife, his character was politically correct.
Two and a half men is pretty good. I have to give the writers of that show credit to catering to a man like me. Well, I'm not much of a man, but that's beside the point. Homer Simpson is great, yet he's a cartoon. The Family Guy is awesome, yet he's a cartoon. We can't watch those shows though in the evening with the wife, so I can't even count those.
Another show that is my favorite all time TV sitcom was "Married with Children." Now, that show is the closest to reality a sitcom ever came to. It is the golden rail of men's tv shows. I still watch the re-runs of that show today, yet only when my wife isn't around. She hates Al Bundy. She hates Glenn Beck. She hates Rush Limbaugh.
Although she hates those shows not because they are filled with intellectual thinking and substance, but because they are men speaking their minds. That's something women hate. And, so, it's better to watch those shows in private. When I watch Glenn Beck I have to sneak off to my bedroom and pray she doesn't say, "Honey, I need your help with something." Sometimes when she does that I ignore her, especially when Beck is saying something I want to remember.
Sitcoms, though, are filled with senseless drivel. They are, with a few exceptions -- Cheers comes to mind, and MASH -- garbage TV. Reality TV is pretty neat to watch too, although I wouldn't' watch those when she's not around. To me, those are TV shows you watch only when your wife or girlfriend is around. Those are not men's TV shows. Men don't like self help books, so why would we like shows like "Biggest Loser."
You see, I, like most men, don't want to pick fights. So, I guess most guys like me would rather sit in the living room spending family time watching what THEY want to watch, and liking it as best we can, because we want to be good husbands and dads.
Yet, we can only take so much of this. That's why we yearn for hunting camp, or outings with the guys in some -- even small -- fashion. And since I don't have any drinking buddies, I have decided to create this blog.
I like dramas. I'll watch a drama movie my wife picks out. I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy to. But really, I'm a guy who loves watching women's movies. Although, sometimes I yearn to watch a horror, or a show like the Terminator. Something manly. Something kill or be killed. Actually, I think most men prefer movies where someone gets killed in the first minute. My brother once said if someone doesn't die in the first minute he shuts the TV off.
I'm not that way. I'll watch those movies too, but I don't mind dramas and women's movies, so long as they aren't over done. I'm a writer, and I like a well written movie, or book. I liked "The Notebook." Yes, call me a Pansy.
Yet, when it comes to dramas and sit coms on TV, I have better things to watch. I'd rather watch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC and her idiotic rants about how conservatism sucks than watch shows like "The Big Bang." That's just me though.
Actually, I think those shows are the better shows on TV, and if I'm going to have to watch TV I'd rather watch shows like these, yet the truth is, and I'll reveal the truth to you, is that I don't watch TV when my wife is not home.
The truth is, the only reason I watch those shows is because I want to spend time with my wife. I want to have family time. And, if we are going to end the day watching TV, these are the shows we watch.
Truth be told, if I had my way, I'd watch the news or sports channel all day. I think guys watch sports because when our team wins that's the only time we guys win. Yet that's a discussion for another post. I like to watch the news because I love politics. Yet, I don't mind being the only one in my house into politics. I don't think my wife and kids should have to worry about that stuff. There's this old saying, "What you don't know won't stress you out." So, I'm fine with my wife not being into politics.
Yet I digress. What about sitcoms and dramas.
I think sitcoms and dramas are written for women. In fact, the polls -- or whatever you call them -- show that women watch this stuff more than women. And for that reason, most sit coms and dramas are catered to women. And, here's the key, med in sitcoms act as women want them to act. They don't act like they would in real life.
Sorry, I don't think we're supposed to know that, but it's true, and that's why I made those words small. If you can't read writing that small, then perhaps that's good. You might not want to know the truth. You might be better off.
It's true though. Even Tim Allen's "Tool-time" was catered to women. I mean Tim Allen was a man's man. He was rough. He was like you and I and that he wants to figure things out on his own, and he's willing to struggle through it, even if he fails. Yet, when it comes to talking to his wife, his character was politically correct.
Two and a half men is pretty good. I have to give the writers of that show credit to catering to a man like me. Well, I'm not much of a man, but that's beside the point. Homer Simpson is great, yet he's a cartoon. The Family Guy is awesome, yet he's a cartoon. We can't watch those shows though in the evening with the wife, so I can't even count those.
Another show that is my favorite all time TV sitcom was "Married with Children." Now, that show is the closest to reality a sitcom ever came to. It is the golden rail of men's tv shows. I still watch the re-runs of that show today, yet only when my wife isn't around. She hates Al Bundy. She hates Glenn Beck. She hates Rush Limbaugh.
Although she hates those shows not because they are filled with intellectual thinking and substance, but because they are men speaking their minds. That's something women hate. And, so, it's better to watch those shows in private. When I watch Glenn Beck I have to sneak off to my bedroom and pray she doesn't say, "Honey, I need your help with something." Sometimes when she does that I ignore her, especially when Beck is saying something I want to remember.
Sitcoms, though, are filled with senseless drivel. They are, with a few exceptions -- Cheers comes to mind, and MASH -- garbage TV. Reality TV is pretty neat to watch too, although I wouldn't' watch those when she's not around. To me, those are TV shows you watch only when your wife or girlfriend is around. Those are not men's TV shows. Men don't like self help books, so why would we like shows like "Biggest Loser."
You see, I, like most men, don't want to pick fights. So, I guess most guys like me would rather sit in the living room spending family time watching what THEY want to watch, and liking it as best we can, because we want to be good husbands and dads.
Yet, we can only take so much of this. That's why we yearn for hunting camp, or outings with the guys in some -- even small -- fashion. And since I don't have any drinking buddies, I have decided to create this blog.
I like dramas. I'll watch a drama movie my wife picks out. I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy to. But really, I'm a guy who loves watching women's movies. Although, sometimes I yearn to watch a horror, or a show like the Terminator. Something manly. Something kill or be killed. Actually, I think most men prefer movies where someone gets killed in the first minute. My brother once said if someone doesn't die in the first minute he shuts the TV off.
I'm not that way. I'll watch those movies too, but I don't mind dramas and women's movies, so long as they aren't over done. I'm a writer, and I like a well written movie, or book. I liked "The Notebook." Yes, call me a Pansy.
Yet, when it comes to dramas and sit coms on TV, I have better things to watch. I'd rather watch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC and her idiotic rants about how conservatism sucks than watch shows like "The Big Bang." That's just me though.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Yes Ma'am Club
I remember watching an episode of Married With Children where Al Bundy decided to form a club called "No Ma'am!" It was a club where men got together to do men things. I suppose, in a matter of speaking, the "Yes Ma'am Club" is similar to Al Bundy's "No Maam!"
Women are great. We guys cannot function without women. Children are great. Watching them grow up is something beyond words. Families are great. Vacations with families are great. Snuggling with your woman is great too. Yet, as Jimmy Carter wrote in his book, "The Value of Virtues," for a good marriage to work "we each need to have some time apart during the day."
Carter hit the nail on the head. He wrote how he and his wife spend the days apart, and in separate offices on separate sides of the house writing. And at the end of the day, they get together and do what married people do.
When you have kids, that kind of puts a fork on private time. When you have girls and kids under 10, you spend your days, willingly most of the time, allowing your wife to watch Oprah, and your kids to watch Sponge Bob or senseless shows like iCarly. Although you learn to like these shows because they entertain your kids when you aren't able, or when you're worn out and tired, or when you want some private time.
Private time. I know my wife loves me, yet I think what she wants most is for me to sit next to her and put my head on her shoulder and rub her feet every night, kind of like they do in those sitcoms. Yes, we guys love rubbing feet, we love doing things that make our woman happy, although there comes a time when we simply just want to be alone.
Now that I'm married, I understand why my dad was never home when I was a kid. He was always working on some project. He was a great dad, yet he wasn't home until late at night. I suppose, in this way, I'm a much better dad than my dad ever was.
Still, when my brother called me and said, "Jeff, we need to get away. We need to get together. I don't know about you, but I love my family and all, but I just simply cannot take one more day of sitting around watching my wife and daughters cry because of these stupid, senseless dramas. I have about had it."
I sent him this email: "The stupid fake TV shows they watch aren't any better. The closest my wife gets to getting the real news is that fluffy newsy show on NBC in the morning called the view, where three ladies distort everything. Oh, yeah, well there's also the Today show, but that mostly consists of stuff like: 10 best ways to do my hair, or 10 tops for losing weight. That's as close to real news women get. And you wonder why liberals have had such an easy time of it the past 60 years."
He responded: "Your so right.. Another thing, none of our other brothers will ever type anything for some reason. I get a ya or bla bla bla in 4 words and no verbiage. Glad I have one brother that isn't a dulard. If it's real, interesting, education, historical, mentally stimulating, or news worthy woman won't watch it. They prefer fluff and "NO VALUE T.V." as I call it. Your dead on the nuts bro..."
I responded back with this insensitive response: "I get the same bla bla. I send emails to people too and all I get is the 3-10 words that are useless to me. I think it's because these people are trapped in their "politically correct" lives that they are afraid of what might happen if they actually uttered a word of common sense. Plus they're afraid if they state "the truth" they might get in trouble --set off the wrath of women, of nonsense. That's what makes people like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and even Al Bundy so great, is they aren't afraid to speak, and to speak the truth, and to say the things that so many of us WANT to say but are afraid to say. That's what holds back real progress in our society is people being afraid to speak the truth. Instead, they say 3-10 words of bla bla bla just to tell people what they want to hear instead of saying what they really want to say, as I am here.
It's kind of like when my wife or female boss lectures me about something, I'm not allowed to reason with them by telling them the truth. If I do that they go off on some tangent and tell me how useless I am and tell me how I have to follow the "rules." Then you reason with yourself and think, "What rules? There are no rules." I never heard of any such stupid rules. So if you speak the truth, tell them there are "no such
rules", you set off the wrath of women, and you get lectured. If you disagree with the lecture, you are wrong. Then, after a while, even if you agree with the lecture you are wrong. You are wrong even if you are right.
So, we guys simply say "yes ma-am." I call this the "Yes-ma'am protocol." I use it at work because I don't want to be fired, but I'll be dammed if I will use it at home. Thus, we have a few more fights than the usual couple. Although, as you have noted, there are not intellectual debates, because women don't watch or read anything intellectual. That's why we guys yearn for hunting camp so much, so we can have a real discussion that makes sense.
And I think this "Yes-Ma am" protocol kind of filters out into society because you never know who the "rule followers" are. I'll give you an example. I like to let my daughter eat her toast and dry cerial in the living room. My wife hates this, "She should eat in the kitchen," she says. Well, I continue to ignore the "yes-ma'am protocol" and give my daughter her dry cerial and toast in the living room every morning.
So, because I broke her "unwritten rule" I get an email. The email says, "We need to be on the same page." I read it and think, "Your definition of 'being on the same page' means me doing it your way. I don't agree with you. I don't have such silly rules. The rules I have are important, like 'do your homework, respect your parents, don't kill your uncle Bob, etc.' So your cry for 'lets compromise' is the same as Obama crying to the republicans, 'We need to compromise. We need a bipartisan bill' When you and I both know that 'compromise' and 'bipartisanship' means republicans doing it the liberal way." There is no such thing as compromise, or bipartisanship, any more than there is being on the same page with a woman."
Yet I don't say that, because that would set off the wrath of women. I can't email her back ever, because when I do she becomes irrational and totally misinterprets any thing I say. She misinterprets because, in her mind, I'm not on the same page as her.
So, you can see how the "Yes-ma'am protocol" has filtered into society. And how it's easier just to send a few lines of Bla Bla Bla instead of saying anything intellectual in an email. They are so afraid of their women that their fears eventually fade into fear of everyone. That's why men become blunt. That's why dad never talked when mom was around. That's why we become modest. And, needless to say, that's also why we guys love Rush, Beck and Al Bundy so much.
Yep, so bla bla bla. How's that for an analysis? And, by golly, just in case some bitch sees this email, I'm just being facetious. I'm not angry, I'm just stating the truth, that no value TV, stupid rules that make no sense, and stupid lectures instead of common sense, result in the "Yes-Ma'am protocol" and lead to emails that are pithy and bla bla bla 3-10 words that are useless. bla bla bla."
And then I thought, why don't I start my own blog? I'll call it the "Yes ma'am club" because it's far easier to say, "Yes ma'am!" than to try to reason. We are reasonable, and that's we are the "Yes ma'am club!"
Women are great. We guys cannot function without women. Children are great. Watching them grow up is something beyond words. Families are great. Vacations with families are great. Snuggling with your woman is great too. Yet, as Jimmy Carter wrote in his book, "The Value of Virtues," for a good marriage to work "we each need to have some time apart during the day."
Carter hit the nail on the head. He wrote how he and his wife spend the days apart, and in separate offices on separate sides of the house writing. And at the end of the day, they get together and do what married people do.
When you have kids, that kind of puts a fork on private time. When you have girls and kids under 10, you spend your days, willingly most of the time, allowing your wife to watch Oprah, and your kids to watch Sponge Bob or senseless shows like iCarly. Although you learn to like these shows because they entertain your kids when you aren't able, or when you're worn out and tired, or when you want some private time.
Private time. I know my wife loves me, yet I think what she wants most is for me to sit next to her and put my head on her shoulder and rub her feet every night, kind of like they do in those sitcoms. Yes, we guys love rubbing feet, we love doing things that make our woman happy, although there comes a time when we simply just want to be alone.
Now that I'm married, I understand why my dad was never home when I was a kid. He was always working on some project. He was a great dad, yet he wasn't home until late at night. I suppose, in this way, I'm a much better dad than my dad ever was.
Still, when my brother called me and said, "Jeff, we need to get away. We need to get together. I don't know about you, but I love my family and all, but I just simply cannot take one more day of sitting around watching my wife and daughters cry because of these stupid, senseless dramas. I have about had it."
I sent him this email: "The stupid fake TV shows they watch aren't any better. The closest my wife gets to getting the real news is that fluffy newsy show on NBC in the morning called the view, where three ladies distort everything. Oh, yeah, well there's also the Today show, but that mostly consists of stuff like: 10 best ways to do my hair, or 10 tops for losing weight. That's as close to real news women get. And you wonder why liberals have had such an easy time of it the past 60 years."
He responded: "Your so right.. Another thing, none of our other brothers will ever type anything for some reason. I get a ya or bla bla bla in 4 words and no verbiage. Glad I have one brother that isn't a dulard. If it's real, interesting, education, historical, mentally stimulating, or news worthy woman won't watch it. They prefer fluff and "NO VALUE T.V." as I call it. Your dead on the nuts bro..."
I responded back with this insensitive response: "I get the same bla bla. I send emails to people too and all I get is the 3-10 words that are useless to me. I think it's because these people are trapped in their "politically correct" lives that they are afraid of what might happen if they actually uttered a word of common sense. Plus they're afraid if they state "the truth" they might get in trouble --set off the wrath of women, of nonsense. That's what makes people like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and even Al Bundy so great, is they aren't afraid to speak, and to speak the truth, and to say the things that so many of us WANT to say but are afraid to say. That's what holds back real progress in our society is people being afraid to speak the truth. Instead, they say 3-10 words of bla bla bla just to tell people what they want to hear instead of saying what they really want to say, as I am here.
It's kind of like when my wife or female boss lectures me about something, I'm not allowed to reason with them by telling them the truth. If I do that they go off on some tangent and tell me how useless I am and tell me how I have to follow the "rules." Then you reason with yourself and think, "What rules? There are no rules." I never heard of any such stupid rules. So if you speak the truth, tell them there are "no such
rules", you set off the wrath of women, and you get lectured. If you disagree with the lecture, you are wrong. Then, after a while, even if you agree with the lecture you are wrong. You are wrong even if you are right.
So, we guys simply say "yes ma-am." I call this the "Yes-ma'am protocol." I use it at work because I don't want to be fired, but I'll be dammed if I will use it at home. Thus, we have a few more fights than the usual couple. Although, as you have noted, there are not intellectual debates, because women don't watch or read anything intellectual. That's why we guys yearn for hunting camp so much, so we can have a real discussion that makes sense.
And I think this "Yes-Ma am" protocol kind of filters out into society because you never know who the "rule followers" are. I'll give you an example. I like to let my daughter eat her toast and dry cerial in the living room. My wife hates this, "She should eat in the kitchen," she says. Well, I continue to ignore the "yes-ma'am protocol" and give my daughter her dry cerial and toast in the living room every morning.
So, because I broke her "unwritten rule" I get an email. The email says, "We need to be on the same page." I read it and think, "Your definition of 'being on the same page' means me doing it your way. I don't agree with you. I don't have such silly rules. The rules I have are important, like 'do your homework, respect your parents, don't kill your uncle Bob, etc.' So your cry for 'lets compromise' is the same as Obama crying to the republicans, 'We need to compromise. We need a bipartisan bill' When you and I both know that 'compromise' and 'bipartisanship' means republicans doing it the liberal way." There is no such thing as compromise, or bipartisanship, any more than there is being on the same page with a woman."
Yet I don't say that, because that would set off the wrath of women. I can't email her back ever, because when I do she becomes irrational and totally misinterprets any thing I say. She misinterprets because, in her mind, I'm not on the same page as her.
So, you can see how the "Yes-ma'am protocol" has filtered into society. And how it's easier just to send a few lines of Bla Bla Bla instead of saying anything intellectual in an email. They are so afraid of their women that their fears eventually fade into fear of everyone. That's why men become blunt. That's why dad never talked when mom was around. That's why we become modest. And, needless to say, that's also why we guys love Rush, Beck and Al Bundy so much.
Yep, so bla bla bla. How's that for an analysis? And, by golly, just in case some bitch sees this email, I'm just being facetious. I'm not angry, I'm just stating the truth, that no value TV, stupid rules that make no sense, and stupid lectures instead of common sense, result in the "Yes-Ma'am protocol" and lead to emails that are pithy and bla bla bla 3-10 words that are useless. bla bla bla."
And then I thought, why don't I start my own blog? I'll call it the "Yes ma'am club" because it's far easier to say, "Yes ma'am!" than to try to reason. We are reasonable, and that's we are the "Yes ma'am club!"
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