Never started a fight

Another neat thing I have to report is I have never personally started a fight between myself and my wife. I like to keep the peace, to avoid controversy. If anything, I tend to follow the "yes maam protocol" and do whatever she says, keep my mouth shut, and, thus, avoid controversy.

I rarely, if ever, walk into the house and start complaining to my wife about all the things that she does that annoy me. I just dont' do it. What I will do is clean it up. She might not like it. She might come to me and complain that she can't find something I cleaned up. But, then, that's her coming to me, not the other way around.

Perhaps I'm seeing this wrong, and correct me if I am, but if I avoid controversy, then it's not me who is starting a fight. I never walk up to her and say, "God, I hate it when you do that." I just don't do it. Actually, I'm happy if she's happy. If she likes a mess there, that's fine by me. Seriously, I'm that easy going.

Yet, as soon as I butter the toast wrong, or as soon as I don't wipe snot off my face, or leave a crumb on the kitchen table, or don't put the icecream away fast enough, she is in my face telling me to do this or that. She is a lot more verbally critical than I ever am. And, for the most part, I like it. Sometimes she's a little too impatient for me, but that's fine. I'm equanimitous, and I need someone to keep me in line. I probably benefit her as she benefits me.

Yet, from time to time, she enters the home and starts going all haywire because I didn't do something the way she wanted. And, if I decide to avoid the "Yes maam protocol" and defend myself, then I'm an ass. Yeah. See what I mean. I can't win.

I'll give you a perfect example. She was upset recently because I let my kids eat in the livingroom. I see no problem with my kids eating popcorn in the livingroom. I did it when I was a kid, and personally I think it's neat to sit and watch a movie with my kids while eating popcorn. It's fun. It's a family moment.

My wife has a rule that we don't eat in the living room. Period. Yet, it's her rule. I let the kids eat in the livingroom, and I don't mind vacuuming or doing whatever is needed to clean up. I might not clean up right away, but I will the next day (which is often not fast enough.) But you get my point. It's all in good fun.

So, I let my kids eat popcorn in the living room. She got upset and made the kids go to the kitchen. I told her she was being a bit agressive with the kids. "But your not following the rules," she said. "What rules!" I said.

"The rule where we don't eat in the livingroom."

So I sigh and leave the room because I don't want to fight. I hate fighting. Yet it's too late. She follows me to the room and says, "Why do you always fight with me!"

"I'm not fighting with you. I'm just trying to reason with you. That's not fighting. I'm in a good mood, or was. I..." you see, I'm at a loss for words.

Then she pulls the, "You are an ass! You are such an ass!"

See. I'm the ass. I started the fight. Yet, as you can see, I didn't.

So, you can see that it's easier if you simply follow the "yes maam protocol" and avoid all conflilct. Because even a tiny spark can be twisted into, "It's all your fault."

Which brings me to another point. It'a always my fault. I'm the ass. We'll delve into this topic in my next post. I also want to discuss rules.

For now, though, everytime there's a fight it's always my fault -- it'a always your fault. Yet, we know, it's not really your fault unless you are the one who is the agressive one. It's not me. I'm just trying to be nice.